Yes, Men it’s true: Housework DOES, indeed, count as foreplay

Click here for more hysterical art from Bluntcard

–Theresa, with contributions from our FB members

Sound too easy? TOO simple? You don’t believe me? Think it’s a trick? Well, here are a few recent posts from our Facebook page.

“My hubby is steam mopping the kitchen right now. Makes me want him so bad.”

“I told my husband from the start [that all he has to do is a little housework], and he has educated a lot of his buddies. They ask why he has the ‘cool wife’ and he tells them, ‘Just do the damn dishes and put the seat down and see how your life changes’!”

“My husband just cooked the most delicious brunch. It took him a while, though, because watching him cook (and clean as he went!) got me so excited I kept humping his leg.”

“When my husband starts cleaning, I just want to tear his clothes off.”

“All this talk about ‘choreplay’ is making me hot.”

What’s this “choreplay” you ask? A couple of quick definitions:

Choreplay: The act of men doing household chores or housework. Women find this intensely arousing. It makes us feel loved, appreciated, and cared for. If more men understood that, more women would be putting out more regularly–and we’d ALL be happier. NOTE: This is a very real phenomenon, not a manipulative ploy by women to get guys to do the dishes.

Choregasms: The almost sexual pleasure a woman experiences watching her man do housework without being asked. Oh, who are we kidding? It’s not “almost sexual”–it’s downright arousing.

Men, there’s a wealth of information out there about how to listen to your partner. How to make her feel heard. How to help her feel safe and cherished. It probably seems overwhelming and confusing. But this is a simple, sure-fire way to make your woman happy.

Look, guys, we get that YOU don’t care if the toilet smells like pee, or if there are crumbs on the floor. But WE do. So here are a few tips:

1. The proper tool for the proper job. If you’re not sure which cleaner/brush/sponge to use, ASK HER. You use a Brillo on her favorite non-stick frying pan, and it pretty much negates any goodwill you gained from offering to do the dishes.
2. If she gets pissy at you and says, “You’re doing it wrong!” you MAY have deeper issues. But TRY saying: “Oh sorry, honey. Show me how you want it done.” (She might even return the favor later, if you know what I’m sayin’.)
3. Don’t half-ass it. Empty the WHOLE dishwasher, not just the top rack. Clean the WHOLE bathroom, not just the toilet. ‘N kay?
4. You know that thing you do… where you pretend to do housework… then screw it up so badly you hear those magic little words, “Oh neverMIND! I’ll do it myself!” Yeah, we’re TOTALLY on to you. And that does NOT count as foreplay. Not. even. close. In fact, it’s the polar opposite. It’s anti-foreplay. It is knee-glue, get it?

So there you have it, guys, in a nutshell. You want HER to put out? Well, YOU need to put out. Do the dishes, scrub a toilet, and see the magic happen!

YOU’RE WELCOME.