–Theresa
One of our members just posted this on our Wall:
“Can we discuss the monotony of motherhood? I Googled it (hoping to find a funny graphic about how I feel) and that was a mistake. I stumbled upon blogs that made me feel crappy for saying that motherhood is monotonous and rather unexciting at times. I need to hear someone tell me that it’ll be all right. Motherhood and being a SAHM is downright mind-numbing sometimes. Just keep swimming. Or something like that.”
A HUGE turning point in my life came one day, when my older kid was about 15 months old, and my highly-educated SAHM cousin (who is my parents’ age) said to me, “The dirty little secret is, being home with small children isn’t all that intellectually stimulating.”
WHAT?!?!? I wasn’t a bad mom for being bored off my ASS most days? I wasn’t a horrible uninvolved mother because parenting magazines made me want to gag, and I wanted to talk about something—ANYTHING—other than diaper brands, breastfeeding concerns, or when to start solid foods?
Parenting—especially of really young children—can be excruciatingly boring. Young children learn through repetition, and I have the attention span of a fucking gnat. Do you SEE the recipe for disaster there? I knew I SHOULD be on the carpet playing blocks with my toddler, but I wanted to clean the bathroom.
Did you read that?!?! I was so bored I WANTED to clean!
Of course, in my motherhood newbie-ness, I didn’t compare myself to other moms like me—people who came from careers that did not involve small humans. Oh no, I compared myself to women born to be professional mommies. Women who went from teaching pre-school or nannying to being SAHMs.
These women were in their element at home with toddlers and pre-schoolers. They were so happy to be doing what they loved with their own kids. They did toddler-friendly crafts with their kids, while I threw Tupperware and wooden spoons on the kitchen floor and called it good. They’d listen to kids’ music CDs and happily sing along to Old McFuckingDonald for the gajillionth time, while I subjected MY kids to 90s classics that reminded me, wistfully, of my party days as a single girl (some days, I had to remind myself that there really was, at some point in time, a pre-Mommy-Theresa). They enjoyed reading board books. Over. And over. And over. It’s a fucking triangle, and it’s orange. Let’s move on.
I remember having a conversation with one of these women, whose children were a bit younger than mine. She was going on and on and on about her moms’ group and what they did at every. fucking. meeting. The holiday-themed crafts, the new games they learned, new information about which toys stimulate different parts of a child’s brain (note: I stand by my Tupperware and wooden spoons). I clearly remember thinking, “Thank god she’s not telepathic, because if she could read my mind right now, all she’d hear is, ‘this is the most boring conversation I have ever endured.’”
I’m not picking on moms who love those years. More power to you. What I have learned is that different women love different stages with their kids. I LOVED that first year. I loved things about it that you may have hated: I loved having a baby strapped to me in a sling, I loved nursing, I loved sleeping in a bed curled around a little one. I didn’t even mind diapers—until solid food came into the picture. *HORK*
But if they had boarding schools for 2 to 4-yr-olds, I probably would have whored myself out to get someone else to do the potty training. Those years with my little princesses definitely aged me.
It is mind-numbingly boring at times. It is repetitive and monotonous. But… it does get easier. They go to school! They get friends—and have play dates you don’t have to stay for! They learn to entertain themselves. They do NOT stay physically attached to you every waking moment.
Annnnd, eventually, they HELP with the housework!! Which, my husand likes to remind me, is the whole point of pro-creating anyway.
So yeah, SAHMs and SAHDs who are bored out your minds, just keep swimming. And re-read Kerstin’s post, 5 min ago you were a BABY! WTF happened!?!? just to keep things in perspective.
It does get better. You’re NOT alone. And you’re not a bad parent for being bored! Some days, you just need a little extra sumpin’ sumpin’ in that valium-laced latte.
Gah! I so had a similar post typed out for today, but couldn’t come up with a title or find pics to add to it on time, and it was time-sensitive, so I had to scrap it.
Thank you for sharing these thoughts with the rest of the world. I get so fracking bored being a sahm. I LOVED the first 2 years! LOVED them! Then the potty training started and the talking and having his own thoughts and opinions and oh hell. It’s been downhill since then. He’ll be 5 in November, and what’s worse is that I’ve gone and gotten engaged to a perfect man who has 2 more kids. I love ‘em, but they make me insane with their child-like behaviors. LOL
Keep blogging! I love reading what you have to say! Peace!
mind.numblingly.boring. Gouge my eyes out with a spoon and then eat them boring – something, anything to break up the monotony. Want to post an ad on craigslist for a stranger to come to my house and do me just to separate the days boring. If I could have given birth to a three year old I would make that choice. It was horrible and awful and I would feel terrible for feeling that way but the horror of thinking about not doing it would be even worse. Being a SAHM also makes you a little bit crazy and irrational. Teaching 25 six year olds was so much easier than dealing with a three year old and a one year old – and I got to pee a lot more frequently too!
You heard it from a Kindergarten teacher, people!
I taught preschool for 8 years BC (before children) and I have to agree with Brandi, teaching twenty something preschoolers for 8 hours a day is NOTHING compared to being at home with an infant and a three year old, day after day after day after day……and for the record, we don’t do crafts and i hate playing with baby toys (i mean how many times can you shake a rattle before you just lose your mind). the only thing that keeps me sane is my online college classes- intellectual stimulation
oh yeah and that bottle of Vodka i keep in the closet….
Thank you for writing this! I am on day 1 of part 2 of SAHM…and I keep wondering if I’ve lost my mind! Even though I will *only* be an exclusively SAHM through the summer…since oldest girl is nearly 8 and youngest girl will be 4 in July (and was accepted into our pre-school of choice just a week ago)…I keep shaking my head wondering if I am really up to doing this…with two
evil genius*precocious*stubborn*tenacious* girls “who are so BORED!!!” (even though summer hasn’t even started yet?) essentially by myself for nearly 3 months…and, since I lost MY job last month, we’re broke…so I have to be *creative* XDI did this already, 8 years ago, when I had my first daughter. DH and I decided it made sense for me to stay home…he had a decent paying job, I was making crackers (occasionally) as a waitress, and needed a “break”. One year later I was frothing at the mouth begging anyone and everyone to come over and hang out in my baby friendly house just to make sure I wasn’t ready to be shipped off to Bedlam! (SAHM stuff was made GAJILLION times more difficult because I was young (22), and the first of all my friends to get married and have a kid)
yeah…maybe I’ll spend some time figuring out how to do html properly…because…that was NOT what I envisioned my comment looking like LMAO! Bring on the whiskey!
It’s OK, Nina. We knew what you meant!
Thank you girls…this came to me just when I needed to read it and gain a little perspective. I love you girls, even though I only know one of you…you always manage to make me smile.
Thank you for writing this, so glad to know I am not the only one!
Thank god for the internet and stumbling across this hysterical real blog while researching ways of how to be a more loving and relaxed stepmum and biological mum instead of the neurotic, loosing weight beyond belief from stress and exhaustion from worrying about failing at this oh so isolating motherhood lark! It’s good to hear that being bored is not the same as being ungrateful (for not having to work in an office but being a SAHM), that this is normal…my beautiful little rascal is only 14mths young and i am already dreading potty training, my stepson…well let’s just say I’m already getting the teenage attitude at aged 8. Needless to say I ain’t too keen on having another, especially at my age when I’m too darn tired anyhow without kids