I just found this in an old file. I am no longer 38 *sob* I just turned 40. But it’s still frighteningly appropriate. More appropriate, really. *SIGH*
(And thanks to Little White Lion for the great pics )
I got a surprise visitor this year. I’m not happy about it.
Hi! Wow, uh, Peri-Menopause! Wow, I wasn’t expecting to see YOU this soon. I see you’ve
brought along Extra Days of PMS, and Soak-My-PJ Top-Nightsweats… Thanks for that. I don’t sweat nearly enough during the day… Um, listen, are you SURE you’ve got the right… yeah, that’s Renner with two “n’s”… Theresa with an “h”… so you’re sure it’s me? Uh, ok, I mean, it’s just… well… I’M ONLY 38!!!!
*Sigh* I guess I should have expected it. I mean, your other little buddies have already moved in: 15-Pounds-I-Can’t-Seem-to-Lose, Saggy Boobs, and Undyable-Grey-Hair. But you need to tell Grey Hair she needs to stay in NORTHERN REGIONS, if you get my meaning. She heads south, and I am rebelling against this whole process.
I need to talk to Extra Days of PMS, though. I just don’t know if I can make that work. I realize my cycle is going to change, and get kind of weird, and I’ve noticed mine is getting longer, but it seems like I should just get more NORMAL days, ya know? More days of even keel, if you take my meaning. I’m not sure how much more my kids can take. You know, I waited until I was 30 and 34 to have them, so they’re still pretty young. They didn’t sign up for Menopausal Mom in conjunction with elementary school.
See, I used to spend one day a month kind of weepy. No big deal. And, the first day of my period, I was pretty tired. NOW, I’m getting like 2 ½ days of exhaustion, and about 4 days of Jekyll and Hyde like behavior. Biting people’s heads off one minute, crying over the pretty bird song the next. It’s disconcerting, to say the least.
And could you do me ONE favor? Let Dry Vagina know she can pass over this house. Seriously. I can have the whole menopause experience without her dropping by.
I’ve already got Dry Skin. I’ve even noticed Saggy Skin is trying to move in, right above my knees, which I am NOT happy about… OH, I’m not SUPPOSED to be happy? Well, that doesn’t seem fair, I mean I don’t have to worry about getting pregnant anymore, right? CHUCKLE… What?!?!? I thought this whole deal came with no more fertility?!? Now you’re telling me I could end up with a surprise bundle of joy if I’m not really, REALLY careful?!? Son of a BITCH!!! How is THAT fair?!?
Wow, I LOVE being a woman.