Man, this shit sneaks up on you…

I just found this in an old file. I am no longer 38 *sob* I just turned 40. But it’s still frighteningly appropriate. More appropriate, really. *SIGH*

(And thanks to Little White Lion for the great pics :) )

I got a surprise visitor this year. I’m not happy about it.

Hi! Wow, uh, Peri-Menopause! Wow, I wasn’t expecting to see YOU this soon. I see you’ve

Might as well enjoy the ride.

brought along Extra Days of PMS, and Soak-My-PJ Top-Nightsweats… Thanks for that. I don’t sweat nearly enough during the day… Um, listen, are you SURE you’ve got the right… yeah, that’s Theresa with an “h”… so you’re sure it’s me? Uh, ok, I mean, it’s just… well… I’M ONLY 38!!!!

*Sigh* I guess I should have expected it. I mean, your other little buddies have already moved in: 15-Pounds-I-Can’t-Seem-to-Lose, Saggy Boobs, and Undyable-Grey-Hair. But you need to tell Grey Hair she needs to stay in NORTHERN REGIONS, if you get my meaning. She heads south, and I am rebelling against this whole process.

I need to talk to Extra Days of PMS, though. I just don’t know if I can make that work. I realize my cycle is going to change, and get kind of weird, and I’ve noticed mine is getting longer, but it seems like I should just get more NORMAL days, ya know? More days of even keel, if you take my meaning. I’m not sure how much more my kids can take. You know, I waited until I was 30 and 34 to have them, so they’re still pretty young. They didn’t sign up for Menopausal Mom in conjunction with elementary school.

See? It's a HEALTHY emotion! So instead of wondering what our "problem is," husbands, just praise our emotional honesty. We'll all live longer.

See, I used to spend one day a month kind of weepy. No big deal. And, the first day of my period, I was pretty tired. NOW, I’m getting like 2 ½ days of exhaustion, and about 4 days of Jekyll and Hyde like behavior. Biting people’s heads off one minute, crying over the pretty bird song the next. It’s disconcerting, to say the least.

And could you do me ONE favor? Let Dry Vagina know she can pass over this house. Seriously. I can have the whole menopause experience without her dropping by.

I’ve already got Dry Skin. I’ve even noticed Saggy Skin is trying to move in, right above my knees, which I am NOT happy about… OH, I’m not SUPPOSED to be happy? Well, that doesn’t seem fair, I mean I don’t have to worry about getting pregnant anymore, right? CHUCKLE… What?!?!? I thought this whole deal came with no more fertility?!? Now you’re telling me I could end up with a surprise bundle of joy if I’m not really, REALLY careful?!? Son of a BITCH!!! How is THAT fair?!?

Wow, I LOVE being a woman.

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3 Responses to Man, this shit sneaks up on you…

  1. Ken Ellson says:

    Anger is very healthy – it is your body’s way of saying HEY! That person is trying to screw you over! Guilt is healthy – It is a sign that you know you were wrong. Use it well – ask for forgiveness and move on, learning. Or let it eat u up. Fear is also healthy. It is your body telling you HEY! What you are doing or going to do is STUPID. Stop it or accept the consequences.


  2. Holy crap, I ALREADY have some of those issues and I’m 33. I am going to be horrible to be around since it gets worse. Geesh.

    And, I gave y’all a blogging award. It’s one of those blogger’s choice thingies, and although it’s kinda cheesy, it promotes our blogs. And I need all the pimpin out I can get. Plus, if I were to give a really big award, it would be to you guys. Anyway, if you’d like to accept, check it out here:

    The Crunchy (Grouchy) Mommy –

  3. I went to the doc a month ago or so…my periods have been coming closer together. I’m like every 21 days? Seriously? Irritating and getting expensive. I was sure that I had Ovarian cancer (one of my few worries — since I take a pill for that — because I have over stimulated my ovaries on the quest for baby 3 that thank God didn’t work)
    She says, “Oh. You are starting to go through menopause!” Oh Yay me!!! And it can last for years…I’m only 46…please give me a break.

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