BFFs since age 7, we’ve been warping each other for more than 30 years now. We both turn 40 this summer, *SOB*, and we’re occasionally accused of sharing a brain. (Theresa’s husband is fond of asking, “When do YOU get to use it, honey?”) At any rate, we have the same deranged sense of humor, dedication to letting other women know they are not alone, and desire to create a community of people with a fucked-up sense of humor.
Kerstin (in the picture above, the hottie on the right):
I am a mother of three kids, ages 9, 7 and 5. The 2 oldest are girls, the “baby” is the boy. I have been married for 10 years. I have a warped sense of humor. I am what some people would call a “pessimist.” I prefer the term “realist.” I am addicted to coffee, and I may be in love with my new cappuccino machine. Don’t tell my husband. I like to use big words. I also like to use words that I make up, and Anglo-isms. By “anglo-isms” I mean I like to use British terms, like “bollocks” and “cheeky.” But make no mistake, I am an American. I use bad swears. Sometimes, I might offend people, by accident or design. I am pretty apathetic, but sometimes I will get up on my soap box about something. When I do, I have been known to DESTROY people. I quote and reference A LOT of tv shows and movies. I use the term “a lot” even though it is not grammatically correct. I am usually right about stuff 95% of the time, even if it can be proven that I am wrong. I love my family, no matter how much I might bitch about them. And I thank you for checking out our blog and our Facebook page!
Theresa (in the picture above, chick with red glasses on the left):
Mother of 2 girls, Faerie Child, age 9, and La Diva, 6. Married 14 years. I am an eternal optimist. I WOULD constantly be telling Kerstin to quit being such a downer, except that she’s funny when she’s bitter, and I value my entertainment over her mental well-being.
I have 4 brothers, and I am SMACK in the middle. I PRAYED for girls. Nay, begged and bargained with the Universe for girls. I LOVE being awash in a world of pink and purple–yet I am not really a girlie girl. I hate shopping and don’t care what I wear as long as it’s clean and contributes to the illusion of slimness.
AND–prepare yourselves for my personal mission statement here–I am SOOOO sick of women turning motherhood into a freakin’ competition. I don’t give a shit when your kid potty-trained, learned to read, cured cancer, or brokered peace in the Middle East. Stop lying about how perfect your life is. You’re totally pissing me off. If you’re one of THOSE moms, you’re at the wrong blog. Go. Now. You are not welcome here.
IF, however, you recognize that parenting is a grueling ultra-marathon, and we’re all in this together, WELCOME! Can’t wait to hear from you 
Just have to say that I love you guys! I know it may surprise Theresa, but there is a mom with more than a few unsaid curses inside that desperately wants to come out. And I can come out here!!
“Grueling ultra-marathon,” I couldn’t agree more! I’m barely holding on in soulless suburbia. Thanks for the respite!
That DOES surprise me, Danielle–and makes me feel SOOOOO much better about myself!
Than my job is done!
OMG!! I love you broads!! I finally feel at home. I feel like the Beegirl in that Blind Melon video.
Love, love, loving your blog and Facebook page! Keep on rolling with your valium-induced selves!!
This is my first time checking out the blog and I have to say that I love it. My family practically shuns me for the way I raise my son.
Damn is he a sweet kid, but I am slowly but surely turning him into a potty mouthed smart ass. It is nice to see that I’m not the only one hell bent on creating my own “code” for how I want my children to behave and to be raised, as I don’t feel like “tradition” has done anyone I know any good. Bravo to you ladies for being at the forefront of this revolution of Mothers that are not perfect and are not going to hide and lie about it like our mothers and their mothers before them did.
I have friends that like to brag about all the crap their kids have accomplished. Whatever. So it took a year to potty train BOTH of my kids. So my kid isn’t in GATE. He’s a good kid and that’s what matters. I believe in preparing my kids for life and not sugar coating the crappy parts. My kids will have straight answers to all of their questions and get all the information to make informed decisions. None of this, if they know about it, they’ll do it crap. That’s bull and anybody who went to Catholic school (or knows people who did and then went crazy) can attest to that. I give my kids independence as long as they stick to certain boundaries (like don’t play tag with cars in the street) and make them take responsibility for things that they did wrong. They have chores and have to follow orders BECAUSE I SAID SO. They have the choice to play outside or play video games. If they decide to play video games and don’t emerge after a few days, then I might make them go do something. But you know, most of the time, they choose to play outside. I use TV to teach my kids. I will happily let my little one watch NIck Jr all day long because then I know where he is (not always the case). Because of TV, he speaks some Spanish (thanks Dora and Diego) and Chinese (thanks Kai-Lan) and learned everything he needs to know for school. So thanks, my fellow sassy moms. My method for raising my kids differs greatly from what my family believes in (which is why they don’t get the kids if we die) and I am glad there are more like me out there.
LOVE your blog, you gals crack me up! So glad I found you. Looking forward to reading more of your sick, twisted work
This was in North Idaho. It could get ugly.
I can’t believe this is the first time I’ve clicked on this to read it. I knew there was a reason why I loved you girls.
I think we were all separated at birth.